The Fear of Letting Go

As-salam alaikum my beautiful sis!

I hope this meets you in the best of iman and health in sha Allah.

Letting go.

Letting go is something I’m struggling with at the moment, and it is what I felt inspired to write about in this week’s newsletter. Sis, maybe you need to hear this right now, or maybe someday you will, in sha Allah.

Letting go is something we need to constantly do in life to grow. Letting go of relationships that are harmful to us, letting go of toxic environments, letting go of expectations, the list goes on.

I’m writing this from the standpoint of not wanting to let go. Wait, let me rephrase that. I’m writing this from the standpoint of having a fear of letting go. It’s not that I don’t want to let go, it’s just that I’m scared to let go. What if I’m making the wrong decision? What if Allah wants me to hold on? These are all questions swimming in my mind, and maybe in yours as well. But the “what ifs” keep us exactly where shaytan wants us to be, in fear and in doubt, rather than in tawakkul (trust in Allah) and husn al-dhan billah (having good thoughts of Allah).

There’s an emotion that we all deal with, but ironically fear to acknowledge or speak about. It’s intense, crippling, strong, and forceful. What is this emotion? It’s fear. An emotion that can cause physical and psychological changes in our bodies, an emotion that drives our everyday behaviour. As human beings we tend to fear the unknown. Our fear of what could be or could not be keeps us stuck in the same cycle over and over again. It pushes us to act in ways that may actually be self-sabotage, but even worse, it may push us to rely on our own abilities instead of Allah and His abilities.

I’m struggling to let go of the outcome at the moment. What does this mean? It means holding on to a specific outcome of how you expect your du’a to be answered. It’s being fixated on a certain outcome you’ve subconsciously accepted as the only suitable outcome. But why is that limiting? It’s because you’re limiting yourself to what your mind can comprehend (which is so small), rather than expanding that outcome to what Allah can do for you. It’s harmful because it takes you away from practising true tawakkul. It’s only now I realise that I so badly want my du’a to be answered as I anticipate. I’ve created an expectation of the outcome that I’ve failed to create room for Allah’s Guidance in all of these. Sis, when we don’t let go of our own expectations and outcomes, we may miss out on the subtle, but evident ways in which Allah is guiding us to better. It’s not that we may not get the thing that we so badly want in the way that we want, but because we’re so fixated on that outcome, we may end up repelling everything else that has been sent to help us get the thing we asked Allah for.

Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean you lose everything, rather you end up gaining so much more. We have a beautiful example of this in Ibrahim (AS), when Allah commanded Him to sacrifice Isma’il (AS) - to let go. When they had submitted to Allah’s will, Allah called out to Ibrahim (AS) and sent a ram to be sacrificed in place of Isma’il (AS). Allah also blessed Ibrahim (AS) with honourable mention among later generations, and Allah says in Qur’an 37:105, “Indeed, this is how We reward the good-doers”. What I want to point out here is that Allah returned Isma’il (AS) to Ibrahim (AS), this time better. Same with Musa (AS) and his mother. Letting go can be a means of Allah purifying our attachments and testing our trust in Him. In our desperation and fear as human beings, we don’t realise how holding on to something is actually doing us more harm than good. We can become so consumed by our attachments that if we don’t release it, we will crash. We need to let go to create the rightful space for Allah in our hearts and allow that thing to come back to us as Allah wills, this time with the attachment in our hands, rather than consuming our hearts.

Now, my answer to that question, “what if I don’t like what’s on the other side of letting go?”, is that you will, you really will in sha Allah. Just trust Allah. You have to understand that Allah does everything He does out of His Knowledge, Wisdom, Kindness, and all His beautiful attributes. Allah acts out of love for you. How won’t He give you what’s best for you? But sis, for you to like what’s on the other side of letting go, you have to actually let go. No resisting, no holding on, just purely letting go. It doesn’t mean that you’ll have clarity now, or that you know what the outcome will be. But that’s exactly what tawakkul is sis; not knowing what will happen, how it will happen, or if it would even happen, but trusting that Allah will make it happen in the way that is the best for you.

It’s time to let go sis. I’m here to tell you, and remind myself first, that it’s okay to be scared to let go. To be anxious and scared of what is to come. But we can’t let fear drive our lives, and most importantly, we can’t let it override our tawakkul. The more we hold on to our expectations, the more we resist everything good that has been sent our way. All the things written for you will never miss you sis. So, rather than holding on because you’re scared, ask Allah for guidance and let go. Have faith that if it’s meant for you, it will come back to you. Everything you want is on the other side of letting go in sha Allah. It’s time to let go, make that intention now.

P.S. I would love to hear from you in sha Allah. Is this something you needed to hear? What part resonated with you the most? I would love to hear your thoughts on this newsletter. You can reach out to me via email at contact@tifahandco.com in sha Allah, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can in sha Allah!

With love,

Latifah.

Founder, Tifah & Co.