Stop Letting People Define Who You Are

As-salam alaikum my beautiful sis!

I hope this meets you in the best of iman and health in sha Allah.

Life, for many of us, has always been defined by what others say. What we wear, how we talk, the way we look, we subconsciously alter ourselves to fit other people’s standards. Allowing people to define who we are is just another subtle, yet evident, form of people pleasing.

Yet, many of us don’t realise that we’re living our lives to please others. We say we’re doing things to make Allah happy, to make ourselves happy, but when we check our intentions, why we’re really doing it, we may find that what we thought was for Allah was really only for society.

The society we live in is unstable, it has always been. Living by society’s standards will only leave us feeling drained, empty, and unfulfilled. The truth is that you were created for a reason. Your personality and qualities are not by accident. Fulfilling your purpose requires you to be yourself. Sis, I mean your true self, the one Allah created you to be. Not the facade you’ve put on for so long, and most definitely not the person the expectations of others has forced you to become. All the things and people that are meant for you are going to connect with your true self, so start working on discovering who that woman is, start working on unlocking her, in sha Allah.

Allah has created everything with, and for a purpose. Take, for example, the qualities that Allah gave each of us. When we focus our efforts on pleasing others, we may falter on playing to the strength of these qualities. Our strengths, gifts, and qualities, have been placed in us for a reason. They are instrumental in achieving the purpose that Allah has set for us all. Your strengths, your gifts, they are all part of Allah’s great plan. Your kindness, which you think makes you weak, is actually a strength, instrumental in carrying out what Allah has planned for you.

As servants of Al-Khaliq, The Creator, we’ve been uniquely created to travel different paths, paths leading to the one straight path. We are different pieces of a puzzle, intricately designed to fit into a greater purpose and plan set by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. When we people please, when we allow others to define us, we bend ourselves, we alter the shape of our own piece of the puzzle. We travel a different path than the one intended for us by Allah, and then we end up living an unfulfilled life. When we lose sight of our greater purpose, we become more subservient to others, a slave to society.

Allah inspired me with a thought this week. I had questions in my mind that Allah was guiding me to consider. What if I had to sacrifice what society deems worthy for what truly matters to Allah? Would I do it? Would I act from a place of fear and prioritise myself, my ego? What is important to me? What are my priorities? Who am I truly living for? What do I even want?

It’s important for us to know these things, because they are the lenses with which we view life with. Whatever is important to us is the filter we use to automatically make decisions. We take actions that reinforce that belief, and we define success based on those metrics.

Allah inspired me to take a moment to think about what truly matters to me. To re-define who I am, based on who Allah says I am, not who I thought myself to be. Sometimes, we may not realise how our own thoughts are not even ours. Rather, they are whispers of people around us, the whispers of shaytan, and the whispers of our lower selves too.

My dear sis, you’ve allowed people to define who you are for so long. When will you allow Allah to define who you are? When will you create room for Him to show you what that looks like? “When you don’t live for God, you live for others”. I want you to remember this statement always, in sha Allah.

I know you want to live a fulfilled life, you want to live life pleasing Allah, in sha Allah. If you didn't, you won't be reading this, and I know it’s exhausting and frustrating to feel lost and unsure. I know that feeling all too well, so here are some actionable steps you can take to redefine yourself, so that you can start living out your purpose, in sha Allah.

1. Make du’a to Allah to show you who you truly are, who He has created you to be. Ask Him to guide you to the purpose He wants you to fulfill.

2. Write down what’s important to you. What are your priorities? What are your goals?

3. Write down what your dream life looks like. You’ll find that your dream life would probably be in alignment with your priorities and goals in sha Allah.

4. When you’re done, make du’a to Allah, ask Him to help you, to guide you, and to make it easy for you. Ask Him for strength and His help, for truly, nothing is easy except what Allah makes easy.

5. Start showing up as the woman who lives your dream life, in sha Allah. Make your current decisions based on what’s important to you, and watch how you transform into your best self in sha Allah.

So, sis, I want you to stop letting people define who you are, because they don’t know the seed that Allah has planted in you. They don’t know what God-given purpose you’re meant to fulfill, and most importantly, my lovely sis, they don’t know the real you.

With love,

Latifah.

Founder, Tifah & Co.